She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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