i was born a porn star she said
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
