Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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