someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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