its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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