It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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