im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
