and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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