The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
