This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
