Moan for me like Helen Keller
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
