the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm having to shit out rocks
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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