Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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