It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
