Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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