considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
