I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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