yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
