$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
