I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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