I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize