Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize