it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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