I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Four minutes until I can fart!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
