nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
