drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
