I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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