is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
