need another drink. this is the easiest way
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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