I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
