you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
