So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
