I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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