guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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