Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
