Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize