the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
