i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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