Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(615): View more from Tennessee

New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs

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(917): View more from New York City

Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed

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(732): View more from New Jersey

That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD

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(620): View more from Kansas

He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.

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(813): View more from Florida

Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids

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(518): View more from New York

I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.

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