Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
