hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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