i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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