I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
