I cockslap morals
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
