maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
