I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
