I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The adults are the big ones right?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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