I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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