Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
