I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize