brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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