i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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