I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
