Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
