i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
