TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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