I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
God, I missed his penis.
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