so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
