the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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