I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
