The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
