ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
