Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This is the high leading the old right now
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
