your thong is hanging out like whoa
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
