I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
