There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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