Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Couch. On fire.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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