This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
