i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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