We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize