It's Friday. Sex?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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