Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have fence marks all over my body
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
