We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
