you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
