9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We left an ass print on the piano.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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