Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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