I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
