Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
