I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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