Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
