I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
